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Jan 29, 2015

We defeated the snow!

I am so happy hith my son today, he overcame his ´´fear´´ of snow and we even walked to school!
I´m so proud of him for that, not so happy with the fact he didn´t want to actually get into the school doors, the snow was too much fun, tripping every 5 steps, falling, burst out laughing and then keep on going saying ´´yack´´ because of the snow on his gloves...
Then I had to leave him at school starting to have a half meltdown half tantrum cause he wanted to stay on walking in the snow until he decided he wanted to stop...
Well, we can´t always win, right?

Jan 24, 2015

Apologies to the one person that reads me...

I know I have been away for some days now, its hard enough with the children and all the rest, that is a LOT that has been going on lately...
I really really wanna start talking about some articles I've been reading about bilingual autism, what was supposed this blog being about, but deep down I knew this would only be a small part of it, the same as autism is only a small part of my child...
So, in the last few days we had appointments with speach and therapy, the autism team, the family GP, sorting stuff with the (hopeffuly) new house, car breaking down, the heating not working (a real issue, as its SNOWING) the coffee delivery being late (don't know yet how have I survived in this last one) and trying to get it all toguether, go to work, have time for all the house work...
Seriously, looks a lot harder when writing it down...
It might also be because i just go with it, and know well my priorities, spending quality time with my family, who I love with all my heart, having them all cared, then the rest...
So, as usual no acuall point in the post..
Well, I am actually really really mad about some family members, wich my son completely adores, that never ever care about us, dont even ask how we are doing, dont care about us at all, but then once a year remember to came to visit and stay for half an hour, breaking my little one heart apart, because he can't understand why people he loves have to go somewhere without him.
It fils me with rage, to the point of, next time I don't even think I will let them in.
And I'll say EVERYTHING they need to listen.
They already think I', awfull, despite the fact that they've only moved to this country  because the idiot here open the door for them and took them in qhen they needed it, even I barely knew them...
''But they're family''
That bullshit will never get to my heart again.
Family is my children, my partner, and the ones who care about me, us, even if not family by blood, we're family by love!

Jo

Jan 17, 2015

Friends

Have you ever felt so alone in the world that you have to create a blog to get to talk with someone, and still, no one seems to reply?
 Well, I did, I do. I feel somehow alone in the middle of a lot of people.
I'm a full time mum, with a part time job, two wonderfull kids, and no friends that I can actually talk my heart to.
I do have friends, most of them in another countries, with who I speak on facebook mostly...
I have a couple right here but not the kind I need to. Maybe also cause i've been so disappointed sometimes that I'm afraid to ''try them'' and see how things go.
But, sometimes I feel the need of A friend, or more than one, that I can go and meet face to face when I need to talk, or some air, I need someone that I can go out with, shooping, dinner, or just a cup of wine.
I need someone i can talk everything without judging on the other side, I'll do the same.
I need to put my words out and know that person will hear me out, support me, help me with advice, something!
I sometimes feel so lonely in this goddam country that I wish I could go back, forgetting all the friends I had back there were almost the same thing, no one I could actually speak my heart to...
So, at least now Im putting myself out there, for the three or four people that actually read this...
At least now I'm feeling better, as Ive spoke my heart out...

Jan 16, 2015

Snow day!

It's snowing outside! YAY! Can't wait to see my son's reaction to it, So went to wake him up and told him it was snowing, and frozen (one of his latest fixations, despite the fact that he didn't actually pay enough attention, he just want it to play 300 times in a roll) had arrived here...
Guess what!
''Oh no! what happen? Don't want fwozen! Mummy, no want fwozen''
And then two hours to calm him down,..
Now, I'm all locked up, windows, blinds and curtains closed so that he doesn't see or remember about it, cause I have no ideia how to explain to him that I can't make it go away...
No school either... lucky me I'm only going to work after daddy come's home, cause I don't know I would cope with having to step a foot outside or even open the door and he seing all the snow and having to touch it...
I bet tomorrow if the snow's gone, he's gonna be upset with me that he want it back...
Oh my! Life with kids is exausting, imagine with a child that doesn't understand new things and doesn't speak enough for them to be explained to him...

Jan 12, 2015

About us

We are a family of four, currently living on northern Ireland, We have come from portugal about three years ago, looking for a way of living, instead of surviving...
He had our own ups and dows, mainly downs, but we got through all that toguether and now, hopefully, we will start living our ups.
My younger is not a year old yet, wile the older, recently diagnosed with ASD is four, has a little mind of his own, and a very special world that only a few have the privilege to know.
My older have always shown signs of having that mind of his own, especially when he has sad or upset about something, in earlier years I could see that he was crying about something as if it hurted him... And he was normally really behaved in things the other kids are normally not.
How many kids don't like leaving home?
He has his days, some better some harder, but a little progress and learning every day,that is what counts.
Trying to communicate with so little language, and the few he have being half english half portuguese is a daily struggle...
I've been introduced recently to the visual schedules, but the easier ones, the ones you have the little check box and a basket where you can put an item about the next activity scheduled for the day. I have to admit it was acepted really quick, but only in certain things. Can't wait to get the proper one where i can plan a day so he can see ahed what the day will bring, and, hopefully he will accept leaving the bed in the morning!! And maybe, just maybe, we could start communicating better...
Maybe sometime soon I might have a bit of a conversation with him.
He doesn't understand stuff he cannot see. but, how could I explain them to him?
The only feelings he knows is love, happyness and sadness, And is there anything else in the world needed?
I've been trough a jorney of discover since I had my first son...
I've discovered how much we can tell without words, how less we need to be happy, how we aduts have to many words and too many feelings, when in reality we only need to feel happy about what we have, and thankfull that we get to live one more day, smile a little more, and be toguether with the ones we love...





Jan 7, 2015

why I started

So I decided to start a blog.
 The main reason why I decided to do so was because there's so little information/advice/help about bilingual autistic children.
There's also no place where mothers, or fathers, or family members, can discuss about their decision, or struggle, in raising an autistic bilingual child.
My son was diagnosed in the end of last year and a few weeks after I was invited to a parent session to understand and learn a little about what autism is.
In the middle of it one of the parents approaches and ask me whats my first language, and when i reply by saying its portuguese he asked me how could i do that, how could we communicate and how was our child coping with two languages...
I've gotta say I've not thought about how bilinguism could affect him or not, because, for me, bilinguism was not a an option, and it's still like that, turning him into monolinguistic have crossed my mind, but that would be egoism, would be Reject a part of who my son is, it would be the same as rejecting autism, they're both parts of him, how could someone be so selfish in thinking in not educate their child with their families mother language? People will already make him feel different by defining him about his autism, how would he feel in a family meeting? Both their parents are portuguese, and many family members don't speak english, and the ones that do, some of them speak a little bad english, and if we already have to speak to an autistic child in short clear sentences, how clear a non fluent person can be to him?
And how about he couldn't have a relation ship with the family that speaks littlr or few english, because i know how frustrating can it be to try and communicate with little language, even worse try to build a relationship with someone.
I know I didn't got to a point, but it took me around five hours to be able to write this. And I do want to know I'm not alone, we are not alone.
And that's why I started...

07/01/2015
By Jo, the Autismother


Portanto, decidi criar um blog.
A principal razão pela qual decidi fazê-lo foi por haver tão pouca informação, ajuda ou aconselhamento acerca de crianças bilingues dentro do espectro do autismo.
Não há um sitio onde se possa discutir acerca da nossa decisão, ou luta, de criar uma criança autista bilingue.
O meu filho foi diagnosticado no ultimo trimestre do ano passado e pouco tempo depois fomos convidados a participar do primeiro treino para pais para perceber um pouco acerca do autismo. Durante a sessão fui abordada por um dos pais, questionando-me qual era a nossa língua materna, ao ouvir a resposta perguntou-me como eu lidava com isso, como o meu filho lidava com isso, e se ele conseguia comunicar em ambas as línguas.
Devo dizer que não tinha ate então pensado no facto de que ser bilingue o pudesse ou não afectar, ate porque, para mim, ser bilingue nunca foi uma opção, e continua a não ser. Tornar o meu filho monolinguista já me passou pela cabeça anteriormente, mas, sempre achei que fazê-lo seria algo bastante egoísta da minha parte, seria rejeitar ma parte de quem ele e, seria o mesmo que rejeitar o autismo no meu filho, ambos são e fazem parte dele, como poderia eu ser tão egoísta em não educar o meu filho na língua materna de ambas as partes da sua família?
 As pessoas já o vão fazer sentir diferente ao o definirem como autista, e não como autismo sendo apenas uma parte da sua personalidade, imaginem como ele se sentiria numa reunião de família? Ambos os pais e família são portugueses, alguns membros nem inglês falam, e dos que falam alguns não o fazem correctamente, se já temos de falar com uma criança no espectro do autismo em frases curtas e claras, quão clara pode uma pessoa não fluente em inglês ser para ele?
E acerca do facto de ele nunca ter uma relação com a família que pouco ou nada fala de inglês?
Ate porque eu sei o quão frustrante pode ser tentar comunicar com muito pouca linguagem, construir uma relação então nem se fala.
Eu sei que mal cheguei a um ponto com tanta conversa, mas, estive perto de cinco horas para escrever este texto.
Sei que não estou sozinha nesta luta, nenhum de nos a travar esta luta esta só.
E pronto, esta foi a razão pela qual comecei a escrever este blog...